Finding your inner beauty.

When you are born you are that cute new born that no body really knows the sex of unless you dress the baby up in pinks or blues. In this picture here you can’t tell whether I am a girl or a boy. I look gender neutral.

This is I age 2; when you are this age its all your parents dressing you. I look like a happy little girl that loves to be a girl, but at this age you don’t really know how you are feeling.

This is I at the age of 6 or 7 and as you can see here I don’t have long hair and I don’t really look like a girl. I would again be gender neutral. Even at this young age I never liked being a girl. I wore boy’s clothes and just looked like a boy.

As I got older people started telling me you’re a girl you should start acting like one, so I did. In grade 7 I started to look more like a girl and by grade 8 I did look like a girl. No body had mistaken me for a boy and everyone that wanted me to look like a girl got their wish.

So from grade 8 to grade 12 I looked like a girl, I was pleasing everyone but myself. I look happy but I’m really not, it’s like there was something missing. I hated myself and what I looked like. I held everything in to make others happy.

This is I, age 18, I look happy but on the inside is screaming “Let me out” at this time I had realized what I wanted I wanted to cut my hair off and make myself happy instead of others. Graduation was going to be the last time I ever wear a dress.

Prom was a few days later and I wore a tux with my hair as an up do because I hadn’t cut my hair off yet. Yes I got funny looks but I was doing what made me happy, I was also binding at this point.

A few days after my prom I cut all of my hair off and started to really look like a boy.  I do get weird looks from people because they think I’m a guy and then they hear my voice.

I don’t shave my legs so that in the summer time it allows me to pass as a guy better.

When it comes down to it, every little thing counts. If you smell manly people will think you are a man.

When you are on hormones you are going to want to work out to balance the the emotions you are having. If you don’t do something to balance them out then you will probably become a very angry person.

This is me today, I have a girlfriend, i’m happy, and most of the time I pass. I am pre opp and pre T but I will get there. I am doing this for me and hoping my friends and family will be there to support me, but if I lose a friend or two along the way thats okay because I don’t need anyone that is going to be negative and doesn’t agree with what I am doing.


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